Tara's Christmas list has inspired me, along with an episode of Bewitched wherein a drunken man later turned into a poodle proclaims that "Life is for living." I need to become an independent woman, and below, please find the items I will need to self-actualize in this way. I would like to please receive all of these items by 2012. They are my New Year's resolution. Thanks.
1. This baby blue 1993 Honda Del Sol, which is like a tiny roadster with a removable lid for convertible-ing. They get like a thousand mpg. I'm gonna need some snow tires too. $6,500, plus a grand for new tires.
2. This dainty but ass kicking 44 by smith & wesson. $1,035, plus licensing.
3. These unrepentant boots for more kicking ass and not even bothering to take names but just walking off into the sunset, where a $12 cocktail is waiting for me on a silver tray. $218.
4. Super extremely girly sheets that no man would be caught dead between. $60.
5. This horse, whom I will rename Hunka-Munka. $3,500 plus boarding.
6. a microwave. $50.
7. chickens, preferably blue cochins, running around in the yard. $600, including housing.
8. a nice old timepiece, with REAL numbers on a round face. $350.
9. this house in Nashville, which was built in 1930 on Granada avenue, and which has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, a huge backyard, and which i hope has a kitchen that has not been hopelessly fucked in the ass by zealot remodelers. $225,000.
Total: $238,313. If this seems excessive, I can do without Hunka-Munka for a few years. I plan to take some adventurous vacations, and she might get bored at home.
xoxo,
Rebecca
